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Sexual Assault and Dating Violence

Obtaining Consent

Communicating Consent

• Sexual consent means you have a clear "yes, I want to do this" from your partner at each and every step of sexual activity.
  • Yes, you do have to ask!
  • No means NO.
  • No always means STOP what you are doing now!
  • No does not mean keep trying until your partner gives in.
• Body language or 'being turned on' does not indicate that someone is giving consent for sex.
• Why? Because it's difficult to differentiate between being scared and being aroused:
  • Someone who is scared may begin to perspire, breathe quicker and heavier, shift their eyes around and their heart may pump faster
  • Someone who is aroused may begin to perspire, breathe quicker and heavier, shift their eyes around and their heart may pump faster

Communication and Gaining Consent

• Communication is important at all stages of sexual activity.
• Clear verbal communication identifies what you and your partner are comfortable giving consent to.
• Gaining consent doesn't have to take away from the "moment." Rather, ensuring partners are giving consent can heighten sexual pleasure.

Ways to Gain Consent

• You're hot, can I kiss you?
• Am I moving too fast for you?
• Are we moving at an OK speed?
• Are you comfortable with this?
• Is it ok if I take off my pants?
• Do you want to take off your pants?
• Is it OK if we have sex?

Ineffective Ways to Gain Consent

• "Do you want to go back to my room?"
  • The answer to this question only relates to entering the room.
• "Do you want to hook up?"
  • This question and the answer to it are confusing since so many people have different ideas for what 'hooking up' actually means.
• "Do you want to go back to my place and watch a movie?"
  • The answer to this question only relates to going to someone's place and watching a movie.

The responses to these questions do not indicate that someone is CONSENTING to have sex.