{"id":6302,"date":"2019-05-23T17:58:07","date_gmt":"2019-05-23T17:58:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/adv\/alumni-news-media\/?p=6302"},"modified":"2021-07-13T13:49:17","modified_gmt":"2021-07-13T13:49:17","slug":"jodi-rubtchinsky-smith-90","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/adv\/alumni-news-media\/2019\/05\/23\/jodi-rubtchinsky-smith-90\/","title":{"rendered":"Jodi Rubtchinsky Smith \u201990"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Jodi Rubtchinsky Smith \u201990<\/h1>\n

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\"\"

(Illustration: David Cowles for Rochester Review)<\/p><\/div>\n

Etiquette consultant Jodi R. R. Smith \u201990 offers advice for new graduates\u2014 and others\u2014on navigating a diverse and modern workplace.<\/h3>\n

Graduating from college into a workplace environment can feel like an abrupt transition. If I had one word of etiquette advice, it would be \u201cboundaries.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0When you\u2019re in college and you\u2019re talking to your friends, it\u2019s not a big deal. When your friends on the Quad say, \u201cHey, how was your weekend?\u201d you can say, \u201cOh my gosh, I went to a party, you can\u2019t believe how much I drank.\u201d But when your professional colleagues say, \u201cHow was your weekend?\u201d you really have to edit your response. You can say, \u201cI went to a party, and it was fabulous. I had a great time!\u201d<\/p>\n

Professional etiquette comes down to the ABCs: attire, behavior, and communication.<\/strong>The first couple of days on the job I\u2019m going to dress up a bit. I\u2019m going to be a little more cautious. If I\u2019m introduced to somebody whose name is Jodi Smith, in college I would have said something like, \u201cHey, Jodi, how\u2019s it going?\u201d In this situation, however, I would say something like, \u201cOh, Ms. Smith, it\u2019s a pleasure to meet you,\u201d and then allow that person to say \u201cNo, please call me Jodi.\u201d<\/p>\n

The overarching guideline is that it\u2019s always better to be more respectful than less. This carries through all of our communications, including electronic.<\/strong>\u00a0When I\u2019m emailing somebody, especially for the first time, whether inside the company or organization, or outside, I\u2019m going to default to a more formal approach. I\u2019m not going to contact a client and call them Bob. Instead I\u2019m going to say, \u201cDear Mr. Jones, I\u2019m new at Athlete Corporation. I\u2019d like to introduce myself. I will be one of your points of contact going forward.\u201d Your default setting should be formal because you can always scale back.<\/p>\n

Business meals are essentially a giant game of follow the leader.<\/strong>\u00a0Once you know who the host is, do what they do. If they order a drink, you should order a drink. If they don\u2019t order an appetizer, you shouldn\u2019t order one. When you get to the end of the meal and they order a coffee, if you\u2019re not a coffee drinker, you can have a cup of tea or a hot chocolate. Order something, but don\u2019t order a piece of cake if they aren\u2019t ordering dessert. And get through the meal without grossing anybody out: no chewing with your mouth open, or blowing your nose at the table, no picking the black olives out of your salad and putting them on the Siberia of your bread and butter plate.<\/p>\n

There are a couple of situations where I\u2019d recommend not following the leader. They concern alcohol and cellphones.<\/strong>\u00a0Even if your manager and other coworkers are getting tipsy, you should keep your wits about you. Likewise, your manager or others may have their cell phones on\u2014checking our cellphones stimulates the same part of our brain that gets activated when we gamble\u2014but you have to learn to turn your phone off. When you\u2019re in a meeting, unless your manager tells you to keep your phone on, your phone should be off. The same goes for a business meal or a reception. The exception is if someone says to you, \u201cShow me a picture of your dog!\u201d Then, you can pull out your cell phone to show the puppy picture.<\/p>\n

I often say that having good manners is not about being perfect. Perfect people are terribly boring.<\/strong>\u00a0Rochester psychology professors Edward Deci and Richard Ryan have greatly affected my work with their self-determination theory. Everything I do is about people. It\u2019s about what motivates people internally\u2014internal versus external motivation. It\u2019s about what motives people as individuals and then watching people in groups, how they behave in groups. That realization was really sparked at the University of Rochester, by taking their course. Ultimately, etiquette is about being comfortable with yourself, having confidence that you are doing the right thing, and making other people feel at ease.[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” text_align=”left” css_animation=”” box_shadow_on_row=”no”][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1558633993747{border-top-width: 1px !important;padding-top: 10px !important;border-top-color: #999999 !important;border-top-style: solid !important;}”]<\/p>\n

\u2014 This story originally appeared in the July\u2013August 2018 issue of Rochester Review<\/em><\/a>.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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