{"id":435602,"date":"2020-06-08T10:09:04","date_gmt":"2020-06-08T14:09:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/?p=435602"},"modified":"2023-02-12T12:33:51","modified_gmt":"2023-02-12T17:33:51","slug":"why-playing-hard-to-get-may-work-435602","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/why-playing-hard-to-get-may-work-435602\/","title":{"rendered":"Why \u2018playing hard to get\u2019 may actually work"},"content":{"rendered":"

We tend to like people who like us\u2014a basic human trait that psychologists have termed \u201creciprocity of attraction.\u201d This principle generally works well to start relationships because it reduces the likelihood of rejection. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy?<\/p>\n

A pair of researchers from the University of Rochester<\/a> and the Israeli-based\u00a0Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya<\/a> have spent the last few years studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction. In a 2019 study<\/a>, they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Furthermore, they will even rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date\u2019s romantic intentions.<\/p>\n

In that study, whether participants felt certain or uncertain about a prospective mate\u2019s interest hinged on whether or not they received a follow-up message from their designated chat partner (who, in reality, was a study insider).<\/p>\n

But in a new study<\/a> published this spring in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships<\/em>, the team now examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill\u00a0a certain degree of uncertainty.<\/p>\n

The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate\u2019s desirability. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPlaying hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand\u2014we call that having higher mate value,\u201d says Harry Reis<\/a>, a professor of psychology and Dean\u2019s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople who are too easy to attract may be perceived as more desperate,\u201d says coauthor Gurit Birnbaum<\/a>, a social psychologist and associate professor of psychology at the IDC Herzliya. \u201cThat makes them seem less valuable and appealing\u2014than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in 1998\u201399. While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works\u2014questions they sought to address in the latest study.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider\u2014a member of the research team. In each instance, participants rated the extent to which they felt the insider was hard to get, their perceptions of the insider\u2019s mate value (e.g., \u201cI perceive the other participant as a valued mate\u201d), and their desire to engage in various sexual activities with the insider. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Key findings<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Birnbaum and Reis found that:<\/p>\n