{"id":574982,"date":"2023-12-06T11:35:18","date_gmt":"2023-12-06T16:35:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/?p=574982"},"modified":"2023-12-15T16:37:07","modified_gmt":"2023-12-15T21:37:07","slug":"when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982\/","title":{"rendered":"When do teens lie to their parents (and when do they tell the truth)?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A study by a University of Rochester psychologist finds patterns in the timing of lies and the way secrets are disclosed.<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s a truth universally acknowledged that most teenagers, at one time or another, will hide information from their parents. Some will lie outright.<\/p>\n

Yet, when they do lie\u2014do they plan to fib ahead of time? What about when they share information\u2013do they do so voluntarily? And do they employ the same (mis)information strategies every time when they do something, or plan on doing something that they know their parents won\u2019t be happy about?<\/p>\n

Of course, lying is not exclusive to adolescents. \u201cMost people lie. Often more than once a day,\u201d clarifies Judith Smetana<\/a>, a professor of psychology<\/a> at the University of Rochester<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But while we all regularly engage in social lies\u2014\u201ccute dress\u201d; \u201cI like the new haircut\u201d; \u201csorry, we have a prior engagement\u201d\u2014teens also often lie about their routine activities, such as where they were, with whom, and what they were doing.<\/p>\n

Sometimes their fibs are trivial.<\/p>\n

\u201cI forgot to feed the fish. I didn’t tell my parents, but the fish didn’t die, so it was okay,\u201d Smetana recalls one teen\u2019s response.<\/p>\n

But sometimes the concealing isn\u2019t so innocent.<\/p>\n

Smetana has made it her life\u2019s work<\/a> to understand how teenagers tick. For about four decades now, the developmental expert has focused on adolescent-parent relationships, parenting beliefs, and the moral and social reasoning of children, teens, and young adults.<\/p>\n

\"portrait
Professor of psychology Judith Smetana. (University of Rochester photo \/ J. Adam Fenster)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Timing is (nearly) everything<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In a recent study<\/a>, \u00a0published in the Journal of Adolescence, <\/em>Smetana and two University of Rochester psychology graduate students, Sduduzo Mncwabe \u201923 (MA) and Yuejiao Li<\/a>, explored the narratives of 131 teenagers and college students who had been interviewed about a time when they did something that their parents disagreed with or had expressly forbidden. Study participants were asked about each of these three scenarios: a time when they subsequently disclosed (part or all of it), concealed, or lied about an activity that their parents disapproved of.<\/p>\n

Narratives hold special value, according to Smetana. While disclosure and concealing has spawned a large body of research over the last two decades, most of it relies on questionnaires and surveys.<\/p>\n

\u201cNarratives provide rich information about how individuals make sense of their experiences\u2014 including how elaborate their narratives are, both factually and psychologically,\u201d she says. \u201cThey\u2019re really good for looking at how you reconstruct stories and what you remember about them.\u201d<\/p>\n

The present study is the third in a series, based on narratives that Smetana originally collected in 2014 and 2015. The first study<\/a> (2019) looked at lessons teens learned about themselves and their parents, while the second<\/a> (2021) examined teenagers\u2019 emotions when reflecting on the three situations they had narrated.<\/p>\n

For the most recent study<\/a>, the team coded the narrated interviews for voluntariness, timing, consistency, and lessons learned. Part of the research addressed the frequent assumption<\/a> that disclosure is voluntary, i.e. that teens who tell part or the whole truth do so on their own volition. \u201cBut that\u2019s not always the case, which is what we suspected and, indeed, found,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

As most parents know\u2014and which has been shown in prior research\u2014as children become teenagers, their willingness to share information and keep parents in the loop declines, while secrecy increases.<\/p>\n

\u201cPartly, that\u2019s about autonomy development, and teens doing what they want to do, even if it involves risky behavior,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

Key findings<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Teenagers disclose information to their parents primarily voluntarily or strategically\u2014either as a means to an end, such as telling the truth about a party to which they may need a ride, or preemptively because they suspect their parents will find out anyway.<\/p>\n

\"Pie
(University of Rochester illustration \/ Julia Joshpe)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s significant,\u201d that only 40 percent of study participants disclosed the salient information of their own volition\u2014\u201cfar less\u201d than what had been commonly assumed<\/a>, says Smetana.<\/p>\n

Involuntary truth telling or disclosing, the team found, is much less frequent, and could involve a friend\u2019s spilling the beans accidentally, a teen\u2019s getting a tattoo that is eventually seen by parents, or by getting pressured by parents to tell.<\/p>\n

Timing plays a crucial role: adolescents were more likely to lie (53 percent) before<\/em>\u00a0the event or action that their parents would not condone. However, telling the truth or disclosing the information occurred more often after<\/em> they had already engaged in the parentally disapproved activity (35 percent disclosed the dodgy activity shortly afterwards, 8 percent lied for an extended time before coming clean, and 23 percent told the truth at some unspecified time).<\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly (to any parent of teenagers), the teens in the study proved nimble in their approaches: they typically reported additional strategies besides the ones the researchers were specifically asking about, using multiple strategies around the same event.<\/p>\n

\u201cDisclosure may not be the first thing they do. Maybe they tried to get away with it without telling their parents. Or maybe they concealed first, and then they disclosed. It\u2019s really shades of gray\u2014usually not black and white,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

Disclosing (or telling the truth) after<\/em> the event was associated with lessons learned, and voluntary disclosure with psychological growth. Meanwhile, psychological control\u2014which is intrusive, manipulative, or disrespectful parenting that undermines the child\u2014was associated with negative self-lessons.<\/p>\n

While a whole host of studies have looked at teenage disclosure and secrecy\u2014the timing of it has not been previously studied. Yet, timing, Smetana say, is crucial and has implications for how teens interpret these experiences, including life lessons learned.<\/p>\n

Telling the truth voluntarily is linked to personal growth<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Study participants were asked what, if anything, they had learned from their recounted experiences of disclosure and lying. Not all proved good ones, says Smetana. \u201cThe lesson learned about lying could be, \u2018I\u2019m a good liar!\u2019 And we did get some of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

In the News<\/h3>\n

The New York Times<\/em> quoted Smetana in 2017 when asking, \u201cIs Snooping on Teenagers ever O.K.?\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Overall, the researchers found that, regardless of age, telling the truth (or part of it) voluntarily was associated with teens\u2019 reporting positive change, such as greater psychological growth in understanding themselves, their purpose, self-efficacy, or connections to others and parents. When it came to experiences of truth telling, the team noticed that the disclosure narratives contained more motives, intentions, and desires\u2014compared to the teens\u2019 narratives about concealment or lying.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey had a better psychological understanding of themselves and made more psychological meaning out of disclosure, than out of concealment or lying,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

Conversely, teenagers drew more negative conclusions when retelling experiences of lying, such as more negative views and less clarity about themselves, more negative emotions, or poorer self\u2010image. Additionally, disclosing after\u2014<\/em>rather than before\u2014the narrated event was associated with greater likelihood of lessons learned about the self.<\/p>\n

Lying often goes hand in hand with a host of other problems. Over time, lying regularly to parents is associated with poorer adolescent\u2013parent relationships, and teenage problem behavior down the road, Smetana discovered in a separate study<\/a> in 2015. Especially in the case of lying, the likelihood of a teen\u2019s sliding into depression increases over time.<\/p>\n

Previous research, the team notes, has shown that boys tend to lie to parents more than girls, perhaps because they are more likely to engage in deviant activities. Yet, pressured by parents to tell the truth lead over time to increases in stress for boys, and anxiety and depression for girls.<\/p>\n

Disclosure and lying are \u201ccomplex and nuanced\u201d actions, the team writes, varying in timing, consistency, and voluntariness. These features contribute to how adolescents construe, understand, or make sense of life events, relationships, others, and themselves\u2014which psychologists refer to as meaning-making.<\/p>\n

Advice for parents<\/strong><\/h3>\n

According to Smetana, researchers used to think that parents who monitor their children\u2014who have firm rules and ask their kids what they are up to\u2014would be able to keep their offspring out of trouble. More recent research , however, indicates that parental monitoring doesn\u2019t improve parents\u2019 knowledge of their children\u2019s lives. Instead, it all comes down to the teens\u2019 willingness to share information.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo whatever you can to be responsive and keep the lines of communication open so that your kids will tell you voluntarily, not under pressure,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

The key to sharing pertinent information are warm, trusting parent-child relationships that develop prior to adolescence and continue throughout life. There are some things teens choose not to disclose because they see the issues as personal and private\u2014not the parent\u2019s business, notes Smetana. To some extent that\u2019s ok, she says, because it helps foster teen autonomy. But parents and teenagers often differ on what is private and should be up to the teen to decide\u2014versus what parents need to know to keep their teens safe. Adolescents may not tell parents about risky behavior, for example, because they are afraid they\u2019ll get in trouble, or that their parents will think less of them.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is where trust and good communication are especially important, because it might mitigate parents\u2019 negative responses,\u201d says Smetana.<\/p>\n

In earlier research, Smetana had asked parents how much they thought they knew about their teenagers\u2019 activities and found that parents vastly overestimated their knowledge.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven in families where they have good relationships, parents don’t know as much as they think they do.\u201d<\/p>\n

This overestimation, Smetana acknowledges, extends to the parenting of her own, now grown, sons.<\/p>\n

Only after they had left home, she says, did she learn about some of the things they did as teens. \u201cNothing too drastic\u2014but what? Really?! I study this stuff and I didn\u2019t know everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Read more<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\n
\n

\"aDoes guilt make for good parenting? <\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

There isn\u2019t much Judith Smetana doesn\u2019t know about parenting teenagers. Her latest study in a nearly 40-year career as a professor of psychology, looks at the effect of using guilt as a parenting tool.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\"portraitAdolescence expert wins psychology career award<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

An expert in teen\u2013parent relationships, psychology professor Judith Smetana is being recognized by her peers with the 2018 John P. Hill Memorial Award from the Society for Research on Adolescence.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\"oneHelping teens channel stress, grow in resilience<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Psychologists have developed a tool to help teens turn everyday stressors that could lead to anxiety and depression into a positive force instead.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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In her latest study, she finds patterns in the timing of lies and the way secrets are disclosed.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/4353-Teen-Lies-feature-image.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/4353-Teen-Lies-feature-image.jpg","width":2000,"height":1200,"caption":"THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER: As most parents know\u2014and as prior research shows\u2014when children become teenagers, their willingness to share information and keep parents in the loop often declines, while secrecy increases. 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(University of Rochester photo illustration \/ Julia Joshpe)"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/when-do-teens-lie-to-their-parents-and-when-do-they-tell-the-truth-574982\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"When do teens lie to their parents (and when do they tell the truth)?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/","name":"News Center","description":"University of Rochester","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/#\/schema\/person\/48a5dd20d1ade85ff52a0babb9a550a5","name":"Sandra Knispel","url":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/author\/sknispel\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574982","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/942"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=574982"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574982\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":588316,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574982\/revisions\/588316"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/575202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=574982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=574982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rochester.edu\/newscenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=574982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}