24 May 12 | Chad W. Post

The second Eurovision semi-finals kick off in less than an hour, by which time I was hoping to have posted another set of overviews and predictions from Janis Stirna, our Eurovision correspondent. Unfortunately, Janis went dark after it was announced on Tuesday that Latvia DIDN’T make it to the finals. (Which, is bullshit, although Anmary & Co. did look like a bunch of Eastern European cougars out on the prowl.) After a bit of begging—the things I’ll do for this website—I managed to get Janis to give us one last, final last send off post. Goodbye Janis, we hardly knew ye!

Hello my friends.

I am unfortunate very very sorrowful this day. Sorrowful and maybe a little with a headachings. If You have been watching Eurovision songgames semi-final 1 yesterday, You maybe are knowing that my motherland Latvia has not been making it to Eurovision songgames finals for to be on Saturday.

No, I am not very sorrowful. I am very OUTRAGE. Why for is motherlands like Albania with screaming of the chalk and also even Russian matryoshka Omas are making it to finals, but Latvia with good voice sounds and shiny dresses is not making it anywhere? EMBARRASSMENT AND DISHONOR! Yes yes I am for to know and understand Eurovision songgames is not complete seriousness, but I am not able but to help feeling upset at results of making votings. If You, my friends, could see my face, it is a face of frowning. Frowning and outrage. At least is some satisfying in knowledge that woki popo boys of Austria and San Marino with crazy eyes woman are also not for to perform in finals. That is what you are getting for being fail and horrid.

AND WHY FOR IS LATVIA NO MORE IN SONGGAMES! Outrage! Again! Oh, and if peoples of Europe are thinking Latvia is no good for Eurovision songgames, I will show just how good other motherland songs will also not be, oh yes, permit me to be showing You what semi-finals 2 results should be making because it is clear now anyone can be expert in making of big decisions for things such like songgames.

Serbia: I am sleeping already from piano. NO-VOTE.

FYR Macedonia: Is Cher without Sonny. NO-VOTE.

Netherlands: Too many birds have been being killed for fancy hats. NO-VOTE.

Malta: Is like Ross from show “Friends” but is having so few friends in video. Friends who did not make voting for Latvia. NO-VOTE.

Belarus: I am not needing to explain why for NO-VOTE.

Portugal: Oh look I am sleeping once more. NO-VOTE.

Ukraine: Should probably be winning Eurovision songgames 2012. But anyway NO-VOTE.

Bulgaria: Eurovision is no place for musical of high schools. NO-VOTE.

Slovenia: Overly many things on heads. NO-VOTE.

Croatia: Is only enough spaces in earth for one Celine Dion. NO-VOTE.

Sweden: Where for is her face and eyes and why for all the moving? NO-VOTE.

Georgia: Why for? No really, WHY FOR. NO-VOTE.

Turkey: Little boy is needing all instruments in Turkey for to make one song. Overachieve. NO-VOTE.

Estonia: Thank You for the pleasantries nap again. NO-VOTE.

Slovakia: What for in the naming of every thing what is holy. ALL NO-VOTES ALL TIMES.

Norway: Is preparation for culttimes? Will we be having for to drink juices? NO-VOTE.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: Why for is piano in metallurgy shop? NO-VOTE.

Lithuania: Oh good, Lithuania has been finding Michael Jackson replacer. What for is world coming to. NO-VOTE.

Eurovision songgames has been breaking my spirits and soul. And remainder of world is still not understanding Europe. Are we always still wondering why?

Thank You for listening, friends. I will perhaps be going and crying some time now.


Comments are disabled for this article.
....
The Dispossessed
The Dispossessed by Szilárd Borbély
Reviewed by Jason Newport

To be, or not to be?

Hamlet’s enduring question is one that Szilárd Borbély, acclaimed Hungarian poet, verse-playwright, librettist, essayist, literary critic, short-story writer, and, finally, novelist, answered sadly in the negative, through his suicide in 2014, at the. . .

Read More >

A Greater Music
A Greater Music by Bae Suah
Reviewed by Pierce Alquist

A Greater Music is the first in a line of steady and much-anticipated releases by Bae Suah from key indie presses (this one published by Open Letter). Building off of the interest of 2016 Best Translated Book Award longlist nominee. . .

Read More >

Two Lost Souls: on "Revulsion" and "Cabo De Gata"
Two Lost Souls: on "Revulsion" and "Cabo De Gata" by Horacio Castellanos Moya; Eugen Ruge
Reviewed by Tim Lebeau

The dislocation of individuals from the countries of their birth has long been a common theme in contemporary literature. These two short novels recently translated into English appear firmly rooted in this tradition of ex-pat literature, but their authors eschew. . .

Read More >

Melancholy
Melancholy by László Földényi
Reviewed by Jason Newport

In Melancholy, Hungarian author, critic, and art theorist László Földényi presents a panorama of more than two thousand years of Western historical and cultural perspectives on the human condition known as melancholia. In nine chapters, Földényi contrasts the hero worship. . .

Read More >

The Hatred of Music
The Hatred of Music by Pascal Quignard
Reviewed by Jeanne Bonner

Pascal Quignard’s __The Hatred of Music_ is the densest, most arcane, most complex book I’ve read in ages. It’s also a book that covers a topic so basic, so universal—almost primordial—that just about any reader will be perversely thrilled by. . .

Read More >

Fragile Travelers
Fragile Travelers by Jovanka Živanović
Reviewed by Damian Kelleher

In Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary, Flaubert attempted to highlight the ordinary, tired, and often crass nature of common expressions by italicising them within the text. When Charles, Emma Bovary’s mediocre husband, expresses himself in a manner akin to that of. . .

Read More >

Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei
Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei by Eliot Weinberger
Reviewed by Russell Guilbault

Eliot Weinberger takes big strides across literary history in his genuinely breathtaking short work, 19 Ways of Looking at Wang Wei, tracking translations of a short ancient Chinese poem from the publication of Ezra Pound’s Cathay in 1915 to Gary. . .

Read More >

Radio: Wireless Poem in Thirteen Messages
Radio: Wireless Poem in Thirteen Messages by Kyn Taniya
Reviewed by Vincent Francone

Prose translators will likely disagree, but I believe translating poetry requires a significant level of talent, a commitment to the text, and near mania, all of which suggests that the undertaking is the greatest possible challenge. The task is to. . .

Read More >

The Subsidiary
The Subsidiary by Matías Celedón
Reviewed by Vincent Francone

The biggest issues with books like The Subsidiary often have to do with their underpinnings—when we learn that Georges Perec wrote La Disparition without once using the letter E, we are impressed. Imagine such a task! It takes a high. . .

Read More >

Thus Bad Begins
Thus Bad Begins by Javier Marías
Reviewed by Kristel Thornell

Following The Infatuations, Javier Marías’s latest novel seems, like those that have preceded it, an experiment to test fiction’s capacity to mesmerize with sombre-sexy atmospheres and ruminative elongated sentences stretched across windowless walls of paragraphs. Thus Bad Begins offers his. . .

Read More >