Parents Buzz

Advice

What should I do when my student is having difficulties?

College IS different from high school and even the most confident students are likely to experience some bumps during their college careers. As parents it can be difficult, even heartbreaking, to hear your student share his or her concerns and disappointments. It is natural to do what we did when our children were young but rather than jumping in to solve your student’s problems for them, consider ways to help them solve their problems… by doing so you will support the development of their autonomy and self confidence and teach them important skills they can use in the future.

Consider the following strategies:

For students who are undecided about what to study: Encourage exploration of new and possible interests; try to avoid judgments about whether a course or potential major is a good fit (or will lead to a specific career); instead, give your student an opportunity to make decisions and encourage them to research their growing interests through various campus resources.

Be positive and encouraging when concerns about getting along with others come up. It will likely take time to develop a comfortable relationship with an adviser, a teacher, a coach or a roommate.

Help your student practice how to handle a potentially challenging conversation with a professor, roommate, or friend. What is the best way to approach a professor when you have questions about your grade? How can I talk with a roommate whose choices worry me?

Coach your student through the process of managing their anxiety about an opportunity that didn’t work out or disappointment over a poor grade. What can you do differently to prepare for the next test? What other leadership opportunities might be available for you?

Don’t accept at face value your student’s explanation that “no one can help” or “no one cares.” The University has many easy-to-access resources and many caring individuals. Too often a student is embarrassed or shy about seeking support. Help your student research how to get their questions answered or find the support they need. Avoid the temptation to call on behalf of your student. Instead, encourage your student to make an appointment or send an e-mail to ask for assistance.

Ask your student how s/he would like you to help. Often they want you to listen and provide sympathy. Guide your student in the process of differentiating between a true crisis and a bad day. Help them generate solutions and let them make the final decision.

Finally, send care packages, email funny stories, and provide inspirational quotes.

The great majority of students do just fine during their first semester of college!